Home > Uncategorized > Episode 2: A fine cigar…

Episode 2: A fine cigar…

Darren walks in and out of the store carrying beer out and putting it in the trunk.

“Hey that shit is going to get hot in the trunk, why don’t we empty out the ice machine in there too,” Joey says.

“Fuck yeah, thats a good idea,” Darren agrees.

Darren grabs up the monkey wrench from a now-cooling pool of blood and Dinty-Moore gravy and proceed to pound it over and over against the lock on the ice box’s lock.

Squatting down beside the body, Chevelle removes a ring of keys from Cleetus’s belt.  She then walks over to Darren and placing a hand on his arm stops his swing.  He steps back as she tries a few keys and then with a click opens the lock.

“Try it now there slugger,” She says.

“You must be the smart one,” Candy says to Darren.

“I like ta think so,” Darren replies hoisting a bag of ice over each shoulder.

Darren walks back outside as the girls go into the bathroom and shut the door.

“I was hoping they’d use this water hose out front to clean up with,” Joey says.

“I was hoping to watch them hose each other off too,” Daren says.

“Well even at the end of the world we manage to find bashful hookers, just our fucking luck,” Joey says.

Joey starts to close the trunk but Darren stops him.

“Were going to need some bologna and shit to eat later man.  And some 5th avenue bars at least in there too,” Darren says.

“Oh yeah and don’t forget the fucking gator in the truck dude!” Joey yells

So they go over to the beat up truck and grab the coolers of gator tail they brought back from the swamp and toss them into the ice in the trunk.

They then head back into the store and proceed to empty out the lunch meat cooler into more shopping bags which they toss on top of the ice in the limo’s trunk.  Grabbing a 4 loaves of bread and a bottle of mustard Joey stuffs them into a bag and tosses it into the back of the limo.

“Hey you better get me some ketchup, cause I ain’t eating any of the yellow shit,” Darren says from behind the counter.

“All right, hang on,” Joey says grabbing a bottle of Heinz and throwing it into the limo too.

“Now gimme a couple cartons of smokes and some fucking red-man kind sir,” Joey says bellying up to the counter.

Grabbing up a display box of Red-Man and two cartons of Camel 99’s Darren places them on the counter.

“Check this out, I found some Black and Milds a whole fucking box of wood tips, it must be Christmas. Now is there anything else I can do for you today sir?” Darren asks.

“Why yes, you can put that whole fucking box of Zig-Zags in a bag for me sir,” Joey replies.

So they bag up their goods and Darren slaps a whole stack of scratch off tickets onto the counter between them.

They high five and are scratching away when the bathroom door opens up and the girls walk out. They stop and just shake their heads watching Joey and Darren happily scratching away  at their lotto tickets.

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Candy asks.

“Hey I won a thousand bucks!” Darren exclaims

“Yeah alot of good its going to do you now,” Chevelle says.

“Why are you only taking one kinda cigarette and that nasty ass chew?” Candy asks.

The girls bust open a box of Hefty bags and proceed to dump the contents of the cigarette display into one of the bags. They push the guys outside with the bag and instructions to put it in the limo.  They go back into the store and proceed to set bag after bag of items outside the doors for the guys to load up.

Once the limo is full of food, smokes and beer, Darren and Joey grab up their guns and backpacks and put them in the car.  Darren walks over to the truck and reaching behind the seat grabs out his duffel bag full of ammo and slides it behind the front seat in the limo.

They pile in and Joey starts up the engine.  Backing out of the parking lot he snaps the gear shift into drive and guns the accelerator.

“Ok French Quarter, here we come!” Joey yells

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. October 4, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    Sweet ass sweet! I love a good redneck zombie story! The only thing that would make this story better would be midgets and hookers, in that order!

  2. Tim
    October 4, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    OMG PLEASE put midgets hookers in!

  3. October 6, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    I love the sarcasm that reeks from the two of them, hahah. The girls are awesome too, but I like the dialogue between Darren and Joey.

    If only these people knew where all of this was coming from… hahahaa.

    The mustard comment would’ve been better if it would’ve been ‘that white shit,’ but that’s probably ’cause I’m dirty…


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