Home > Uncategorized > Episode 8: Ned’s Massive Mishap…

Episode 8: Ned’s Massive Mishap…

“After your done with your breakfast Bubba, I need you to come down here and dig out some boxes of 12 gauge, buckshot and slugs for these shotguns here,” Marty yells up the stairs.

“We had planned on going over to The Gator Shack to see if Bobby-Sue would give us a place for the night,” Darren says.

“No, boys you don’t wanna go over there to the Gator Shack at all, there was a bunch of Shriners headed to New Orleans, when all this shit went down.  It was not a good night for old Bobby-Sue.  She done got torn ta pieces and both her girls too.  After that those pricks done tore each other and all the cabins ta shit.  Fucking fez-wearing bastards,” Marty tells them.

From outside, they hear the sounds of a horn honking and then a gunshot.

“Pa, git up here someone’s coming!” Junior yells

They all three run up the stairs and then climb into the attic, from there they crouch down and hustle over to the trap-door leading to the roof.  It’s an overcast day, with thick black clouds threatening rain any second.  From the street out front they hear honking.  They all move to the front of the roof and are watching as a jeep pulls into sight.

“Hey, its fucking Ned,” Joey says.

“Oh joy, the gimp game-warden has arrived, hide the tail Judy!” Darren yells

The tire’s squeal as Ned dodges around a pair of wrecked cars and turns the jeep towards them only to smash suddenly into the back of Angie’s Pinto.  The Pinto gets crushed into the truck it was parked behind,  ned throws his jeep into reverse just as the pinto explodes into flames.  Ned yanks open the door and dives out rolling around to put himself out, even though he’s not on fire.  He stands up and raises his arms over his head cheering.  Joey and Darren raise their arms as well flipping him off.

“Hey guys check it out I almost died!” Ned yells up to them.

“Hey dumbshit, look out behind you!” Darren yells.

“What?” He asks slowly turning around as the horde engulfs him.

He is tackled to the ground with arms and fists flying pounding him over and over.

“Well, fuck those tickets he gave us then,” Darren says to Joey.

“Damn right,” Joey replies as they tear Ned’s body limb from limb on the street below.

“Angie is gonna shit a Twinkie when she sees her fucking car,” Junior exclaims.

“Let me see your lighter Darren,” Marty says.

Darren hands him his trusty gold plated Zippo with the naked lady engraved on it.  Nodding Marty bends over and pulls out two sticks of dynamite wrapped in electrical tape and lights the fuse.

“Holy shit!” Joey yells

Marty takes a step and then throws the bundle end over end, right onto the mass of pustulant flesh currently ripping Ned into tinier pieces.  The explosion is quite loud, shredded flesh and bits of Ned scatter outwards spraying gore on the surrounding cars and painting the street in a plume of red.

“Goodbye Ned, you were a cocksucker,” Joey says to the remnants below.

“Well grab up one of these rifles boys.  That sound is going to bring a shit-ton of those pus-buckets down on our fucking heads,” Marty tells them.

“Well, that was more fun then two girls with a  can of Dinty-Moore!” Joey yells

“Hey Junior, after we shoot all these fuckers can I please be the one to tell Angie that her Pinto is now a smouldering shit-stain?” Darren asks.

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