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Archive for December, 2009

Episode 12: No Down Payment…

They cut through a field behind an apartment complex and approach the parking lot of the dealership.

“Looks like it might rain again…” Joey says glancing at the grey clouds overhead.

“Might be something rolling in off the ocean… that could be bad…” Darren replies.

From the apartment complex behind them screams erupt into the silence.  Glancing back they see a woman waving her arms from a second floor window.

“Help please they are outside my door, they are breaking through!” she screams.

“Well fucking jump for it, we will catch ya,” Joey says as he and Darren run over beneath the window.

They lock their forearms together and then glance up at her as she squirms out of the window.

“Oh lord she looks kinda big…” Darren says as she hangs from the window ledge.

“Too late now, you gotta catch her,” Candy says.

“I do?  Well I’ll try,” Darren replies.

The woman lets go of the ledge and screams as she falls all of ten feet or so into their arms.  They both grunt and almost smash faces together as she hits and forces them to their knees.  Setting her down they all get back to their feet.

“Are you okay?” Chevelle asks.

“Yeah it’s been a bad couple of weeks though, they have been outside in the hallway for a few days now, they got my neighbor Kelly and her husband,” she tells them.

“I am Candy and this here is my girl, Chevelle and her man Joey. That there is my boy Darren.  Oh and she is Angie, the brat,” Candy tells her.

“I am not a brat,” Angie complains.

“Shut the fuck up brat,” Darren tells her rubbing his red forearms.

“My name is Delilah,” the woman tells them.

“Well it’s nice to meet you, come on with us over to pick out a new truck and then we’ll take ya back to the gun store,” Joey says.

“Don’t forget my Mustang,” Angie says sullenly.

“Yeah the piss-yellow one,” Chevelle laughs.

Suddenly Delilah’s head explodes in a shower of brains and gore, her skull flaps open as she falls, spilling out its contents as her body crumbles to the ground.

Darren, Joey, Chevelle and Candy all hit the dirt and begin looking around as a rifle shot echoes around them.

“Lay the fuck down Angie you bitch,” Chevelle says as she swipes the stunned woman’s legs out from under her.

Darren rolls over next to Delilah’s body and lays his AR-15 across her corpse looking for a target.

“No wait I have a better idea Angie stand back up for a second,” Darren says.

“Are you kidding me Darren I am so telling Junior about this when we get back to the gunshop,” Angie says rubbing her ass from the impact of her fall.

“Shut the fuck up Angie, do you ever just shut the fuck up?” Candy says.

“I only chose you because you’re the smallest one of us and the hardest to target. Either someone thinks we are some of these zombies or someone is just shooting random people for fun. In either case we need to put someone in their place,” Darren tells them.

“I got him, he is over on that building next to the beer store. I have to shot,” Candy tells them.

“Take it Candy,” Chevelle says.

The roar of Candy’s rifle going off rings in their ears, as she fires instantly.

“He’s down,” Candy tells them climbing to her feet and dusting off her legs below her mini-skirt.

“I say we go there and see what the fuck,” Darren says.

“And I say we go get the fucking truck and drive over there, all this walking is fucking unhealthy,” Joey explains as he pops the top on a Busch can he has just pulled from the cargo pocket of his camo pants.

“All right, all right. Let’s get a truck,” Darren says as he turns and walks toward the parking lot, “I still think it’s a bad idea if there was more than one up there, we are have now pissed him the fuck off.”

“There was no one else up on the roof,” Candy tells him sliding her arm around his waist as they walk along.

They reach the parking lot and head towards the main building of the dealership.  As they walk along through the smashed glass windows step three infected salesmen. They groan and stumble towards the group as they approach.

“Even in the midst of the apocalypse, we got salesmen to deal with. Well fuck this,” Darren says dropping his backpack and unslinging his AR-15.

Snapping off the safety Darren opens fire on the center salesman blowing his head nearly off of his shoulders with a three-round burst.  Joey and Chevelle open fire from his right and Candy raises her rifle and takes out the target on the left.  As the three bodies collapse to the ground, Angie screams.

Behind the salesmen as they fall, the now blood-covered, bullet-riddled remains of a canary-yellow Mustang is revealed.

Glancing back at Angie screaming Joey looks to where she is pointing and starts laughing.  Chevelle starts laughing too.

“It’s only a convertible GT, you don’t wanna get yourself a lap-full of slobbering zombies sweetie. We will find you a nice hardtop.” Darren says laughing.

“And today only we have no down-payments, no financing and no hidden charges. Just pick up your fucking keys and drive the fuck away,” Joey laughs dropping his backpack beside Darren’s.

“The only thing better than a Mustang Angie, is a fucking free Mustang.  Now go over there, to that row of Mustangs and fucking shut the fuck up,” Candy tells her.

Joey steps into the front room of the dealership office through the smashed windows and glances around. There are five bodies lying there with their heads smashed in.  multiple hammers and tire-irons lay about the room covered in blood.

“Well it looks like no waiting today either… Hey Darren do you recon it’s …SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!!”

Darren shakes his head and follows him into the office marked “Manager”.

They emerge with an arm-full of keys each.  They walk back out and start checking the trucks against the numbers on the keys they have.

“Here take a few of these, they were all on the trucks hook.” Joey says handing a few sets of keys to Chevelle.

They wander up and down the line of trucks searching for a matching number.

“What the fuck are you all doing?” Candy says, “There is a description on the little yellow tag of the fucking truck. Like here this one this big black fucking truck right here.  Has the same numbers that are on this fucking key. How about this one?”

“Just any old truck is not going to do, it’s gotta be a F350.” Darren says.

“It is an F350,” Candy says.

“It’s gotta be a dually,” Darren says.

“It is a fucking dually,” Candy replies.

“A full grill package, with fucking fog lights,” Darren says.

“It’s got mother fucking fog lights, and a grill package. All you gotta do is turn the fuck around and look at it,” Candy says.

“Hey thats exactly what I was after, and it’s black too. Thanks baby,” Darren says swiping the keys and heading for the drivers-side door.

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Episode 11: Window Shopping…

The next morning after breakfast Darren, Joey, Candy and Chevelle gathered up their stuff and headed out along with Angie to the Ford dealership a few blocks over, along the edge of the highway.

They exited the house armed to the teeth and ready for anything.  Joey was walking along the side of the road with an AR-15 over his shoulder and a can of Busch in his hand.  In backpacks they carried plenty of food and essentials. Chevelle walked along next to him, they shared glances and smiles at each other.  Darren walked along beside Candy and Angie trailed behind.

“Where the hell are we going to find a piss-yellow Pinto in this town?” Darren asks.

“I don’t want another Pinto you retard, I told you I am aiming to get me a new Mustang,” Angie replies sharply.

“Where we going to find a piss-yellow Mustang in this town?” Darren asks laughing at her.

“Fuck you Darren I don’t care if it is piss-yellow or power-puff pink I just want a Mustang,” Angie says.

“Okay so looks like it’s going to be a Ford, have you talked to a salesman and gotten a quote yet? Have you budgeted the payments into your piss-poor waitress performance?” Darren asks.

“You’re a fucking asshole Darren.” Angie says.

“Yeah but he is my asshole bitch and we are helping you get yourself a Mustang so how about you clam the fuck up and stop bitching?” Candy says.

“I figure the salesmen are going to be all fucked up and I don’t think they are going to mind if we just take whatever the flying fuck we want, how about that?” Joey says laughing.

“In that case let’s get us a big ole fuck-you-sized truck so we can smooth run shit the fuck over and it will also hold all our shit,” Chevelle says.

“Good idea! Also we can get ourselves down to Candy’s momma’s house and score some weed at your old pimp’s house too!” Joey says.

They walk through the remains of the tiny town and glance cautiously down each side street and alley they pass.  There seems to be nothing moving at all except a lone dog rooting around in a knocked-over trash can as they pass the burn out husk of a convenience store.

As they approach the highway they do see a convoy of about 6 huge black semi-trucks pass by, they are to far away however to see who is driving.

“Bunch of big black semi-trucks all headed for New Orleans, seems a bit sketchy,” Joey says.

“It does look spooky, must be government. Either that or Blackwater moved into town,” Darren says.

“Wonder who’s paying for that gig?” Candy says.

“They might have gone out on their own, and are just claiming shit in the name of Blackwater,” Chevelle says.

“Paying? I don’t think anyone is paying for anything anymore. The government can now simply just do what they want.  I am sure they are much happier now since they don’t have to answer to anyone anymore,” Darren says.

“And that is fucking scary,” Joey replies.

“What do you think they are going to do once they get to New Orleans?” Candy asks.

“Well it certainly isn’t window shopping,” Darren says.

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