Home > Uncategorized > Episode 16: A Green Thumb…

Episode 16: A Green Thumb…

“Holy fucking Jesus nailed to the mother fucking cross!” Joey says gazing in wonder at the halls of weed growing before them.

“That might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever smelt in my entire life,” Chevelle says.

“Well it’s been five days since I was home, I need to crop some buds off these big mother-fuckers,” Rays says grinning at them, “Some of these fellas over there are dried out enough, that we can take those down and smoke them right now.”

“Hallelujah, pass me the clippers,” Darren says with the biggest smile on his face anyone had ever seen.

“Why do they all have nametags Ray?” Candy asks looking at the base of each plant where a tiny tag was pasted with an individual name.

“Why are they all named after porn stars?” Chevelle asks.

“Those aren’t porn stars, well except for that one, she was extra pretty,” Ray replies, “Adopt a plant program folks, just pick you a plant.”

“What made you decide to grown your own weed, and how did you come up with a fucking buried shipping container to grow them in?” Darren asks looking around.

“Well at the last place I lived, my neighbors were complaining about the smell.  So rather than have them follow through with calling the cops and all that, I just moved out here. I took up the pig farming first and foremost because I love bacon, but also because it does cover up the smell of just about anything.” Ray answers as he runs his hands over the plants and trims a bud here and there.

“Now I know where you got the money for the Japanese sex doll! And the rest of this place too I guess, you grow some nice buds here man.  You should be working for NASA or something dude.” Darren says.

Darren takes one of the buds from the hanging plants and proceed to roll himself a huge fat joint on the edge of a planter.

“Join me a sticky fatty?” Darren asks Candy who nods grinning.

After lighting it up and passing it around to everyone, Darren looks around and suddenly says.

“Hey that fucking pig is gonna burn dude!”

Darren runs back out of the container and up the stairs in a flash.  Running over to the spit he turns the handle and sighs as he sees only a slight browning on the lower edge.

“We need some Worcestershire in a big bad way.” Darren says turning the handle.

“Here ya go,” Chevelle says handing Darren a bottle from the pocket of her apron.

Darren splashes some of the sauce all over the pig and hums as he turns the spit and puffing contentedly on his joint.

The sound of a gun firing rips through the silent dusk.

“What the hell?” Chevelle asks pulling a Baretta nine millimeter from her back pocket.

Darren pulls the judge from its holster.

“That was next door,” Darren mumbles.

“What the hell was that?” Ray says coming up the steps from the container followed by the others with a pump-action shotgun in his hands.

“Was that a gunshot?” Joey asks his nine millimeter in his hand and a joint in the other.

“Yeah it came from next door. Sounded like it came from right over there.” Chevelle says gesturing toward the next house with her Baretta.

“Oh hell, Mark and Dawn live over there I sure hope they are ok, they were my best customers and always fed my pigs when I forgot.” Ray says walking that way.

The others follow him to a 6-foot high chain link fence, beyond which a back yard with a tidy garden meets their eyes. Along with two huge Labrador Retrievers. Beyond the dogs growling at them through the fence a couple stands on the back porch of a house, he with a shotgun in his hand and she with a pair of chrome revolvers.

At their feet lying in a pool of blood is an ichor-covered girl of around sixteen or so who in her hands is holding the back half of a cat.  The scratches on her pustule covered face allude to where the front half of the feline went. Her face and hands are covered with the red tinged pus filled sores of the virulent disease the flash had produced but it looked like over each sore was a healthy amount of Calamine Lotion.

“What the hell, did Lorebell get that zombie-shit to Mark?” Ray asks from the fence line.

“Oh hell, Hi Ray, I didn’t know you were home. Uhm, yeah ole Lore has gone where angels dwell my friend.” Mark answers slowly his balding head brown hair, lowered in sorrow.

“Bitch ate my fucking cat, I had to do it man.” The blond woman beside him replies.

“Well that fucking calamine lotion wasn’t stopping it, I don’t think it never was poison ivy no how.” Mark says to her.

“Fuck you Mark, now Ray-Ray, you gonna have to hook me up man I am dying here, please.” Dawn says.

“Why don’t you two hop on over here, the pig is almost done anyways.” Ray says turning back toward the spit.

“Aren’t you going to bury that poor girl?” Candy asks.

“It’s not like she’s going anywhere now ma’am. Sorry if that upset your city-fied morals and such.” Mark says heading for the gate.

“We have another kid, we call him Vish he is uhm, out front watching in case those things show up again.” Dawn says.

“I told you if you started raising pigs they wouldn’t come here,” Ray says.

“And I told you, if I had the money, I would’ve gotten me some pigs for sure,” Mark tells him.

“Well it’s not like you’d have to pay for them anymore, just grab you a truck and go pick ya some up,” Chevelle says.

“Might be I’ll do that, at the moment though let’s have us a few joints and eat all right?” Mark says looking at the pig on the spit.

Candy breaks out a few joints and passes them to the couple, who light up with appreciative sighs of contentment.

“You’ve got one hell of a green thumb Ray, you really fucking do,” Dawn says smiling at him.

“He may have a green thumb, but he’s got a fucking rice cock too.” Joey says.

“What the hell does that even mean?” Darren asks him.

“Well ya know he’s busy letting some Japanese fuck-toy play with his cock man, I’m just sayin….” Joey says.

“The correct term is Pleasure Partner, please,” Ray replies.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Lore
    May 17, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    hehe mmm kitties… O=3

  2. May 28, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Cheers
    Christian, iwspo.net

  3. June 8, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Cheers
    Christian,Earn Free Vouchers / Cash

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