Home > Uncategorized > Episode 17: Damn near killed ’em both…

Episode 17: Damn near killed ’em both…

“You are really fixated on that toy, I tell you. Joey I would not be surprised if I find you molesting that thing in the morning,” Ray says laughing.

“Well, until I met Chevelle here, I most likely would have,” Joey says.

“Yeah sorry Ray, he has an actual girl to sleep with now,” Chevelle laughs.

“I have my Candy Sniper, so she only goes into S&M mode with my permission, but how about both of you shut the fuck up and eat?” Darren laughs.

Mark carves off a piece of the pig and holding it on his fork he looks around and says, “You know what would be amazing, some cheese to go with this piggy.”

“Fuck yeah, some cheese would be awesome!” Joey yells.

“Well do you have any cheese there Mr. Ray?” Darren asks.

“If I have any it would be in the fridge,” Ray answers munching on some roasted pork.

“Hang on I will go check,” Candy says walking into the back door of the house.

She comes out a few seconds later holding a cylinder of green in her oven-mitt-covered hand.

“It says Longhorn Style Colby on it but I think it is beyond eating at this point,” Candy laughs.

“Gimme that fucking thing,” Darren says snatching the cheese from her.

He pulls out his knife and cuts a large chunk off the top, revealing a warm golden cheese in the middle of a circle of mold.  He cuts the mold off the edges and pops it into his mouth. He chews loudly while Candy and Chevelle groan in disgust.

“That is so gross,” Candy says.

Darren swallows the huge bite of cheese and then turning his head, vomits it and everything else right back up in the dirt.

“I think…. I think that’s bad cheese,” Darren says grabbing Chevelle’s whiskey bottle and taking three huge gulps.

Ray runs over and grabs a shovel leaning by the back door of the house. He walks back and shovels up the vomit and tosses it into the pig pen.

“Ok, that’s fucking sick,” Dawn says.

“You wanna step in it later?” Ray asks her.

“Uhm, no thanks,” she replies.

“What you need is some fresh cheese, I wonder if there is cheese after the end of the world?” Joey muses.

“Of course there is cheese, unless it’s messed with cheese just ages and tastes better. And there happens to be a dairy farm down the road a piece, where Mark and I bought all our cheeses,” Dawn explains.

“Oh yeah that dude Rhodie and his girl Gina, he’s from Wisconsin and she is from England, what a combo.  They make good cheese though. You ever had Stilton cheese? it’s fantastic,” Mark tells them.

“Well I suggest a road trip then, your right cheese does keep a good long time and before someone else thinks of it we should go get us a big ass bunch of it for survival purposes,” Joey says.

“If we’re going to be heading out we should pack us up a container of weed man, cause I dang near ran out on my last little excursion,” Ray says heading into the house.

“Oh hell yeah, I am gonna fill my fucking pockets up too,” Joey says.

Joey walks in behind Ray and going over to the coffee table, he takes off his shoe and pulls off his sock and begins ramming buds of weed into it. Ray screams and grabs up the salad bowl of weed.

“What the fuck are you doing man? Look dude see these here? This is a giant box of ziplock baggies motherfucker, Come on man!” Ray yells.

“Dude all right calm down Ray, you try going for almost two weeks without weed man. Even stink weed would be better than no weed,” Joey says loading a baggie up completely and stuffing it, along with the sock into his cargo pocket on his pants.

“Luckily we grabbed up a case of Zig-Zags from the store so we have plenty of those.” Chevelle says.

“Yeah I grabbed up a couple of cases of lighters from the store, you want red or blue?” Ray asks.

“Red,” Darren replies walking into the living room.

“Ok let’s see here, Lighters…Check, Weed…Check, Pipe…Check, rolling papers…check. Okay we’ve got everything let’s roll. Ok everyone grab up one of these baggies here and a lighter in case we get separated. You will each have a good day or two worth.” Ray says.

“Amen to emergency supplies,” Mark says.

“Yeah and if you run out just locate Joey he is a walking supply train.” Ray says nodding to Joey, who is busy filling baggies and putting them in each pocket.

“Ok, let’s go,” Dawn says.

They all grab up their weapons and walk out the front door and Dawn yells over toward her house.

“Hey Vish, we are heading over to Rhodie’s farm to see if there is any cheese left. Hold down the fort boy,” She yells.

“Poor guy he never get’s to go anywhere does he?” Ray asks.

“Well Vish is a little goofy so we tend to not let him out often,” Mark explains.

Mark and Dawn climb into the truck with Ray, while Joey, Darren, Chevelle and Candy climb into the truck they had just stolen earlier.

“Mmmm there is that smell again,” Joey says.

“Yeah, yeah new truck smell blah blah, roll us up a joint there, Dealer McDope,” Chevelle says.

“Oh and it’s falling out of your pockets by the way Joey,” Candy observes.

“Yeah, doesn’t mean it’s going to get rolled in his pocket, get busy rolling dude.” Darren says starting up the truck.

“Oh shit, I just realized Darren is going to drive, yeah, I will make is a fatty,” Joey mumbles.

They pull out of the driveway and head up to South street where they take a right and then a quick left on Deadwood Road.  Heading north they pass around a huge fatty. Up ahead of them Mark who is sitting in the bed of Ray’s truck is taking potshots with his shotgun at mailboxes as they pass by, all the while guzzling from a can of Busch.

They pass by several farm houses on the left side of the road and then they come upon a truck wrecked into a tractor. There is blood everywhere and shattered glass all over the road.  There is a trail of blood leading into the field on the right side of the road.  There is a corpse covered in flies and maggots lying across the hood of the truck.

“Well, I don’t think he is going to make it,” Candy says.

“So the doctor says… Wrecked ’em damn near killed ’em both!” Darren says.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. May 26, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    These guys are so dumb they are hilarious! And I love that joke: wrecked ’em? Damn near killed ’em! heh heh.

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