Home > Uncategorized > Episode 42: Fuck You Egon…

Episode 42: Fuck You Egon…

“A green thumb and a golden thimble? More like a blue dildo and a robotic whore,”Candy says laughing at Ray.

“Hey, I have a 3rd-degree black-belt in modified electronics,”Ray replies smiling as he takes a huge hit from his bong and passes it to Mark.

“I didn’t know they gave out black-belts for robot-assisted jerking-off,” Mark says laughing.

“Tell you what. I could always reboot her and put on her martial arts program that I installed and customized and see if you can beat her,”Ray says laughing.

“Dude, knowing you that bitch would smash your teeth in and then forcefully blow ya while ramming a tentacle dildo in your ear,”Joey laughs and lights up another joint.

“Well, that is one of her attachments,”Ray laughs.

“So your saying she is proficient in the +2 rubber tentacle,”Darren laughs.

“Put your dildos away and tell us what the hell really happened in that house back there,”Dawn says.

“Well as you know, we went inside to find Elizabeth’s girl Stephanie. The inside of the place was about what you’ve seen a million times before, a TV, a couch and a coffee table. Except that on this particular coffee table, the girl was stretched out with her guts flayed open and around six or seven guys worth of jizz running out of her. It looked to me like they had their fun while they cut her open,”Joey says, looking down his eye blank, with the memory of that horrific sight.

“As we looked at the reality of this poor girl lying there hacked open like she had been fillet’d like a trout. There was this bulge that moved in her throat at first. It was almost as if something was squirming in there trying to get out,”Darren says.

“See to me, Darren the thing I saw right off the bat even before we saw her throat bulge like that, was her forehead had been carved with the shape of a pentagram and through it a reddish light was beaming that shape onto the ceiling, that right there freaked me out. It was like there was something buried in her head that was shining a light out and toward the sky,”Joey says.

“Yeah for me, it was just the horror of seeing her splayed open like that and then something pushing its way out of her mouth. It was a black-skinned tentacle with an eyeball on the end of it. It flopped around and then settled down staring right at us,”Darren says.

“Then some more of the tentacles came out of the base of her throat and one of them wrapped around her lung and picked it up and chunked it in my face, it was covered in her blood and in this sick-smelling slime that was coated real thick on each of the tentacles. The slime hit my face and burned real bad in my eye. I managed to close my right eye in time but the left one got some of that stuff in there,”Joey says.

“It burned a shape into his eye,”Chevelle tells them.

“What do you mean a shape,”Mark asks.

“Here take a look,”Joey says.

Joey sits up and grabs a flashlight and leans over the couch toward Ray and Mark and he shines the light at his eye and moves aside the eye-patch. They both gaze at the odd pentagram-like shape burned into the pupil of his eye. Dawn and Vish lean in to take a look as well and then he pulls the eye-patch back in place.

“Now when I look at their little pentagrams and such I can sometimes see them. That is how I knew your neighbor wasn’t your neighbor anymore,”Joey says, sitting back down beside Chevelle.

“The next thing was, I saw Joey go down and I opened fire. I emptied my clip into that poor girl’s head and shoulders and another of those tentacles grabbed her heart and threw it at me just as my clip hit empty. I dropped the gun and sliced it as it flew at me, with my machete. It split in mid-air and the right hunk of it splattered into my ear as it went by and I got that slime on the side of my head. Some of it must have got in there, because now I can hear things when I am nearby one of their rituals. Trust me though, you don’t wanna know what they are saying,”Darren tells them.

“So I wiped enough of that stuff out of my right eye to be able to see, just in time to see Darren get hit with the heart and go down. I yelled out and emptied my clip into the base of those tentacles. The tentacle, when it fell to the carpet, lit on fire and seemed to melt. The whole place went up like it was made of matches and I grabbed up Darren and dove the fuck outta there,”Joey says taking a sip off his whiskey bottle.

Dawn and Vish stare at them, for a long time and Mark and Ray pass the bong back and forth a few times.

“Dude it’s like a fucking horror movie or some shit,”Dawn says.

“It’s like one of my anime’s, sorta this dude could see ghosts from an eye like that,”Ray tells them.

“Oh great, so now my fucking eye looks like one of Ray’s tentacle-rapist-heroes, awesome thanks Ray…”Joey says, with a sigh as he leans back on the couch.

“There’s no tentacles in this anime, just some S&M,”Ray replies smiling.

“Dude, you’re not making it any better,”Joey says.

“At least you didn’t swallow any of that stuff, be happy about that,”Ray says.

“Well hell, did you get a sample of the slime?”Mark asks.

“Fuck you Egon,”Joey and Darren say at the same time.

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