Home > Uncategorized > Episode 49: Equally Dense…

Episode 49: Equally Dense…

“Well it smells like he passed smooth out again, last time he passed out we had us a few hours before he woke up again,” Darren says.

“So then let’s get high,”Dawn says.

“Since your going to make some more of the pork n noodles, I will go out and clean up the biker mess,” Darren says.

“Why would ya do that?” Vish asks.

“If we don’t clean it up it will be like killing a bee,”Darren says.

“Wait what?” Vish asks.

“Well if you kill a bee and just leave it there, the others will come find it and then you wont just have one, you will have a fucking problem,” Darren tells him.

“So the bikers… Well… Let’s see… The bikers… So you’re telling me, these bikers have a queen?” Vish asks.

“Yes Vish, her name is Sturgis, now shut the fuck up,” Dawn laughs.

“No actually, Vish it was just a metaphor ok, don’t worry about it,” Candy says, smiling at him.

“Ok, so it was a metawhore, right,” Vish asks, he walks over to Ray and asks him, “Whats a Metawhore?”

“Wait, did someone say, Manga-Whore?” Ray asks, and he looks up from his wok.

“Yeah, what is a Mangawhore?” Vish asks him.

“Well, young Vish a Mangawhore is a girl in the printed works of an anime artist who is very promiscuous and sleeps around with alot of the male characters in the story, most of the time they are put in just to be titillating and to move the story along. Ahh but the secret is how to spot a Mangawhore.” Ray says conspiratorially.

“How?” Vish asks.

“They have a scent about them you see and they are usually very wet…” Ray begins.

“Hold it. Ray get back to cooking, Vish come over here this instant,” Dawn yells from the other side of the fire pit.

“Ok then, well Darren I will come give you a hand, dead bodies to move ya say, sounds fun…” Joey says, as he gets up and walks away from the fire.

“You know this brings me back, kinda like Desert Storm…” Darren begins.

Joey holds up one finger for an instant, in the traditional ‘hold on’ motion. He runs back to the fire side and grabs his bottle of whiskey and then runs right back.

“Ok, go for it,” Joey says, as he takes a long drink as they walk away.

“Well come on Dawn, he has got to learn this shit some day,” Ray begins, from behind them at the fire.

“Shut the fuck up Ray,” Dawn says.

“We got this gig, going out to clean up these oil rigs that the insurgents had lit on fire, man. Everything was blanketed in this black oily-soot it was caked on these bodies all around the rigs,” Darren tells him.

“Well this doesn’t look like an oil fire but there is a ton of black shit everywhere, I will give ya that. It sure the fuck doesn’t smell like oil burning, it smells like someone lit a pile of shit-covered chemicals on fire,” Joey says.

“Well you see I was talking more about the bodies, these bodies here look like those bodies that day. All fucked-up and covered in black,” Darren says, pointing to various bodies lying around the intersection.

“Well there is one thing about an oil-rig fire  and what it smells like, ya see there are gasses that are released when your drilling for oil, that are quite unpleasant, to say the least, to the human nose my friend. It smells like someone lit a porta-potty up, makes ya wanna fucking puke man,” Joey laughs.

Joey grabs his mouth piece to his walkie-talkie and says, “Hey Chevelle, will you grab Ray’s keys and bring his truck over here to help us move the bodies with sweetie?”

“Sure thing, y’all want some beers?” Chevelle replies instantly.

“Well fuck yeah we do,” Joey says.

A few minutes later Ray’s truck pulls around and they begin filling the bed with dead biker parts. They take the three bikes that had blown to pieces in the driveway of the blown-up house and move the pieces inside and out of sight. The bikes that could still roll, they move down the street to the Pete’s house and stash them in the burned out shell of his home. The bikes that could still start-up they ride to a little trail in the woods behind Ray’s house and stash them out in a clearing. They cover these bikes in plastic and weigh the edges down with rocks. They pile up sticks and branches and leaves on the plastic covers to camouflage them a bit and then head back out to the road.

They pile into Ray’s truck and drive the biker bodies and body-parts down to the river by Bayou Black Drive and throw the bodies and parts in for the gators to eat. There is a swirling of water and a gnashing of rotted teeth as they drive off again and then ripple spread from the surface and part revealing the rotted-out eyeless mass of a gator. Joey throws an empty beer can at it as they drive away and laughs as they get out of sight.

They arrive back at Ray’s house and shutting off the truck they head around back to the fire and sit down once more and start rolling themselves a job-well-done-doobie.

“So… did everything come out ok?” Ray asks them laughing.

“Well Ray, we didn’t go to take a shit, it’s not like we were all stuffed up and constipated or anything?” Darren says.

“Eww you guys poop together? That is gross,” Vish says, his eyes so squinty they seem more closed than open.

“Listen stoner boy, we went to hide the bodies of those bikers you opened fire on and we had to kill. We really should have left them for your little ass to clean up,” Joey says laughing.

“You making some big messes and writing checks your little ass can’t cover. Without us to back you up your ass would have been toast,” Darren laughs.

“Come to think of it, Vish why did you shoot ’em?” Ray asks.

“Yeah!” Darren says.

“Well, I was sitting up there and they were riding all around and they got close and I saw one of them come down to the corner and he was sitting there looking around. I sat real still, but he was looking, so I got him in my sights so I could see him in the scope ya know. I am watching him as he was looking at the house kinda craning his neck to see inside ya know. Well he turned my way and looked like he was about come over so I tagged him between the eyes,” Vish says.

“So lets recap shall we. He looked over at ya. And you shot him in the fucking face?” Joey asks.

“I know he did, because what was left of his head, I had to scoop up with shovel,” Darren tells them.

“Damn right, we should have left it for old itchy mctrigger-finger over here to clean up,” Joey laughs.

“Well even if they are giving you a hard time about it now Vish, at least you capped him before he got a shot off on you, or in general,” Ray says.

“Now if you could have only done that with the rest of them,” Chevelle laughs.

“Huh… What? …I have no idea what you’re talking about right now…” Vish says.

“Density has reached maximum capacity captain, come on kid let’s eat,” Mark says.

“Wait there is a captain here?” Vish asks.

“We are gonna change your name to ‘Cold-Steel’ there Vish,” Darren says.

His eyes unglaze a bit and he smiles and says, “Hey, I like it.”

“Yeah because your both equally fucking dense,” Darren says.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. January 5, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Cheers and Please continue to keep updating your Weblog. I will be stopping by each time you do.

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