Home > Uncategorized > Episode 51: The Bleached Rhino…?

Episode 51: The Bleached Rhino…?

Darren, Candy, Chevelle and Joey all pile into the truck. Darren fires up the engine and follows Hanzo out onto South street again. Hanzo takes a right on Deadwood and they head south toward Gibson. In the distance they can see several fires burning brightly through the trees. The rain has slowed down to a slow sprinkle which stops as they get going.

Joey lights up a cigarette and opens up a map of Louisiana.

“Hey did you know that this whole end of the world thing has fucked up traffic even worse than before?” Joey asks.

“How so?” Chevelle replies.

“Well that cheese farm is about 23 miles away from Ray’s house… We should have been able to get there in just a few minutes back before the end of the world,” Joey says.

“Well that is not accounting for the massive piles of car wrecks, the wandering infected people and all the flaming family unity we have enjoyed seeing since the world ended. And had it not been for the end of the world would we have really cared about the cheese anyways?” Darren asks.

“Hell no, if the world hadn’t ended, we would still be knee-deep in velveeta mother fucker,” Joey laughs.

“Granted even if it was the end of the world, I still like cheese. But hell I don’t miss civilization as it was, I mean all it meant to me was pay-per-view movies in seedy hotels. Imagine a completely drunk john who wants a blow job and even pays for one but just cannot stop pissing and puking everywhere long enough to get it. The smell of that alone makes me kinda glad life as we know it is over,” Candy says.

“Amen sister,” Chevelle laughs.

“That is fucking disgusting,” Joey and Darren say at once.

“Yeah it is, you men are fucking pigs,” Candy says.

“Yeah I mean think about it you found us trapped in the back of a limo squatting over empty whiskey bottles to piss in, that was fucking gross too,” Chevelle says.

“You know what, fuck it. I don’t miss America at all,” Candy laughs.

“Uncle sam was a great idea, but the fucking lobbyists fucked us in the ass,” Joey says.

“Shut the fuck up about politics, and just so ya know, lobbyists pay really fucking good. Especially when they want you to go break some shit and keep it quiet,” Darren says laughing.

“Wait.. What?” Joey asks.

“Uhm… nothing…” Darren says.

“Are you saying, that at some point you went out and smashed some shit for an illegal payoff?” Candy says.

“I don’t know what you are talking about…” Darren says, staring straight ahead.

They get to Gibson, and make a left on I-20 only to see the neighborhood to their right on fire.

“Holy hell,” Chevelle says.

“Hell is certainly one word for it,” Joey says.

“Wait, do you mean you see more of those things in these fires too,” Candy asks.

“Hell no, I aint sure I wanna know,” Joey says.

“I think we kinda need to know, don’t you?” Chevelle says.

“Really? Cause I think I am pretty happy, not knowing shit,” Joey says.

“Well, let me put it to you this way, if they were there in these fires, they could be reaching for us right now and we would never know because you wont look,” Chevelle says.

“Fucking A,” Joey says.

“Hey man someone lit this fucking place up like an ole Christmas tree,” Hanzo says over the radio.

“Fucking A,” Chevelle says back into the radio.

“I still aint looking,” Joey says.

“I think we kinda need to know…Don’t you?” Candy says.

“All right fine, but don’t say I didn’t fucking warn you,” Joey says.

He raises up his hand and lifts the eye-patch off of his eye for a second and looks around at the fires burning as they drive by.

The nearest fires are just burning buildings, their flames licking up at the darkened clouds overhead. Beyond them though, he can see through the buildings a horde of headlights rolling through the town and over them is floating one of the things. It turns its head and sees them, its eyes gleam against the storm-clouds above and it raises its hand and points at them. It’s mouth opens silently and lightning smashes down from the sky.

Hanzo swerves to the left as lightning blasts down and blows an abandoned car on the side of the road apart. Darren swerves as well and another bolt of light strikes down and a tree beside the road explodes.

“Holy fucking shit,” Hanzo roars over the radio.

“Keep going dude, they are coming for us now, we have to stay ahead of them. They are riding through town and one of those things is there floating above them, it is leading them to us now,” Joey says into the radio.

Hanzo floors it and begins to accelerate as more bolts of lightning leap from the clouds above to explode all around them.

“It is that thing, it is using the lightning to try to stop us,” Joey says.

“How can it use the lightning?” Candy asks.

“How can it be as tall as the sky and yet shrink down to the size of a man,” Joey asks.

“Not. Of. This. World,” Darren says and stomps the gas pedal.

They keep up with Hanzo’s truck and stay right on his tail as he plows through some the wrecks along the road and swerves around others.

“Tell him to get on I-90 it will take us right to Gray so we can try to find Officer Rob,” Darren says.

“Hey Hanzo, once we get to the other side of town take the on-ramp for I-90 it will take us right to Gray,” Joey says.

“Well if all this fucking lightning doesn’t blow the truck up or make us wreck or fucking kill us all, then sure… I’ll hop on I-90 for ya,” Hanzo replies.

“This is fucking crazy…” Chevelle begins as lightning strikes a truck beside the road causing it to explode as they go past.

The ball of fire from the explosion rises up in the rear-view mirror and Darren whistles in admiration.

“Hey look behind us, that one was like the explosion in that movie,” Darren says.

“Oh man, this is fucking crazy,” Chevelle says looking back.

“Which movie?” Joey asks as he looks back.

“You know the one with the guy with that thing? You know the one with the explosions? And he had that thing but it was square yet round? Oh wait… wait… nevermind that’s a different movie,” Darren replies.

“You just sobered up didn’t ya? Like just this instant huh?” Candy says laughing.

“Wasn’t that movie Lethal-Death Impact-12?” Joey asks smiling.

“Yeah and he wore a hat that said who cares if your dead?” Darren laughs.

“I don’t know what you are talking about that movie was called Death-Fist 7: The bleached Rhino,” Hanzo laughs over the radio.

“Wait a minute? Wait a minute… The Bleached Rhino?” Darren asks.

“Yeah you know it’s one of those Troma movies,” Hanzo says laughing.

“Oh man I love that guy, he made Nuke ’em High,” Joey laughs.

“Hey didn’t Troma make Pot Zombies?” Darren asks.

“Fuck yeah they did, I love that movie!” Hanzo laughs over the radio.

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